It's You I Adore
by Matriaya
Summary: In a desperate moment of angst, Gordo spills his heart onto paper. What happens when Lizzie finds it? r/r please!!


Title: It's You I Adore  
  
Author: Matriaya (Poem by Phil Jurgensen)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Lizzie McGuire or any of the other characters on the show (though I wouldn't mind owning Gordo!)  
  
Dedication: this one goes out to my friend Phil Jurgensen merely because he wrote the poem that I used to write the story off of. Everyone bow down at his feet and pledge allegiance. I had no idea he could write until he turned to me in science one day and said "Hey could you read this?" so we all need to praise him lavishly, and send lots and lots of money. Isn't it the most romantic thing you've ever read? (sorry ladies, he's taken.. I think.)  
  
Ramblings: this is my first poemfic ever, so be gentle. *flinches* and again, praise the almighty Phil.  
  
~~~  
  
*When I think of you, I fall even more*  
  
Gordo sat in English, staring aimlessly out the window with only one thing on his mind. Lizzie McGuire. Try as he might,he couldn't pry his thoughts away from her. It was frightening, the durastic shift in his feelings towards her. She'd been his best friend since practically before they were born, and she'd been nothing more than a friend. Up until lately that is. Now everything was a crazy jumble of jealousy and confusion. Only one thing was clear in the shrowding haze of his consciousness.. he had fallen in love with his best friend.  
  
*No one else, its you I adore*  
  
"What do you mean, you're breaking up with me?" Lizzie's voice cracked. Michael, her boyfriend of 4 weeks, had just said the words she'd dreaded to hear. Gloom crashed down on her heart, a sickening smoke that choked her. "I'm sorry Lizzie, I just.. I'm not feeling the love anymore," he said, picking up his books. Clearly the conversation was supposed to be over, but Lizzie wouldn't let go. "Michael wait, I.." she began, but he cut her short. "No Lizzie, its over. I'm sorry." With those parting words, he left, taking along with him every last shred of sunlight she had. Unresponsive, like a rag doll, she collapsed into a lunch table chair. Tears burned her eyes, and a lump rose in the back of her throat. Though the pain in her heart cut deep, she wouldn't cry. Not out here, all alone by herself. So she sat, staring at nothing on the table and remained helpless as her soul slipped further and further into darkness. Deeper and deeper, the light disappearing, memories shredding in the wind. A familiar face plopped down across the table from her, a concerned face, and the cage that held her heart was shattered. Gordo was here.  
  
*Today I weep until I cannot*  
  
"Anything interesting down there?" he asked. The dam of tears broke, and she covered her face with her hands for a long moment to hide the pain, but it was no use; she couldn't hide anything from him. That was a bad part of having a best friend like him, no secrets. "Michael broke up with me." She sobbed out and her emotions poured, unchecked from the depths of her heart out to him. Tears streamed and her body shook with sobs but she told him everything. The kissing, the flowers, their date to the Digital Beam, then the one at the Evanessance concert. The endless hours they'd spent on the phone talking about nothing at all. Even the pearl ring that still adorned her finger. He stayed silent as she cried - no words would come for the moment. A million "I'm-sorry's" wouldn't have said as much as the concern in his eyes. When her head collapsed odwn into her arms, he stroked her hair gently, calming her nerves and slowly quelling her sadness.  
  
*can't stop loving, I love you a lot*  
  
It ripped at his heart, watching her cry over another guy. Michael was a jerk, he knew that from square one. He blamed that dislike on the sickened feeling he got when he saw Michael and Lizzie together. Now he knew the truth, and had to remain platonic as always, despite the gnawing in his heart. Every cell in his body screamed to take her in his arms and gently kiss her tears away, but it was impossible. His love for the girl who was his best friend was eternal, unending. It consumed him, preoccupying his thoughts. But she needed a friend, some one to comfort her. "Lizzie." He spoke her name softly, letting it roll off his tongue. She lifted her head and smiled through her tears. With thoughts of what once was, she didn't see the endless love shining back at her.  
  
*wish I had two minds, think about you more*  
  
A half an hour later with only the faintest tracks of dried tears visible, Lizzie made her way towards history. Michael was a wonderful guy, even after he broke her heart. After Gordo's long and supportive speech on how the first had only half a brain cell and no charm, she did notice his flaws. 'Oh well,' she thought, plopping down into an empty desk. 'At least there's still Ethan.' Yet when she glanced over at the surfer god clone, his own obvious dimwittedness became more apparent than previously noticed. The fact that he was flirting with Park McKenzie didn't help at all. 'Except that he looks really cute when he flirts..' Her eyes flickered down as she blushed. Small crushes die hard. The annoying tone sounded and the class hushed to a dull whispering. "Welcome to American History," Mr. Lornardo spoke with his usual flight attendant drawl. Lizzie Hardly noticed however, she was too far lost in the tricky predicament that was boys. A squeaking scuttle of feet was heard briefly before the door opened, drawing her from her dreams. What thoroughly surprised her though, was that it was Gordo standing in the doorway - panting as if he had just run. 'What? Gordo is never late!' "Welcome Mr. Gordon. Thank you for joining us - better late than never I suppose." Mr. Lornardo spoke and gestured towards the desk next to Lizzie. She blinked. 'Why did I not notice he was gone?' Dumb question. All the complicated thoughts about boys had her mind reeling. The only problem was, she forgot about her best friend.  
  
*no one else, its you I adore*  
  
Gordo's mind whirled. Too many damn things he needed onto say, so much no one could understand. Hidden in between the shelves of books, he sat with a pen and paper in hand; feverishly scratching down his soul. She'd never know, no one would know. It would fester in his heart, slowly driving him insane. But he couldn't risk their friendship - something that took 15 years to build up. Minutes seemed like hours as he sat, writing and re- writing to express perfection. How long did he have before history? Time slipped in slow motion; speeding up and slowing down with the rapid beating of his heart. Finally, he was done. Signing his name at the bottom with a flourish, he leaned back against the book case and squeezed his eyes shut. Unseen tears tears leaked from his eyes - just two. Tears of sweet relief that finally he had released all that he felt. The beauty was jarred by the bell that started class. 'Crap! I'm late!' He sloppily stuffed the letter into his notebook and ran from the library. In his rush, he didn't notice the paper drift lazily down onto the hallway floor from the notebook. It sat, entirely alone in the drafty space until I twas snatched up by the curious hand of none other than Miranda.  
  
*cannot describe my feelings towards you*  
  
A slow steady grin spread across Miranda's face as she skimmed over the piece of paper. She'd always known that Gordo was in love with Lizzie, and secretly suspected that deep down she loved him as well (though they would both instantly deny it.) Judging by its heartfelt content, it was probably never meant for anyone to read. 'Wow Gordo,' she had finally reached the signature. 'Never knew you had it in you.' The bell rang, signaling the end of yet another class period. Lizzie and Gordo would both be getting out of history by now. Should she do it? Gordo would never forgive her if it didn't work out. But if it did.. A flash of Lizzie's blonde hair shown down the hallway. "Lizzie!" she called out. The latter turned and smiled. "Hey Miranda! What's up?" Lizzie asked. 'I shouldn't be doing this! Its Gordo's personal business!' her conscience put in a final desperate word before it was squashed. "You see Gordo later right?" she asked. Lizzie nodded. 'Dumb question! They have practically all their classes together!' "He dropped this in the hallway. Could ya give it to him?" "Sure!" Lizzie took the paper. "What is it?" Miranda suppressed a smile and said with a hint of mystery, "I don't know." 'Hook line and sinker. She'll read it for sure.' Then, without another word she turned and left, leaving Lizzie alone. For the first few steps Lizzie took, her mind pondered Ethan and the boys. But somehow it always came back to the small piece of paper in her hand. Give it to Gordo, those were the instructions. It was uncharacteristic of him to write notes though. 'Its probably just homework.' She concluded, but the curiosity ate at her thoughts. One small finger ran along the edge of the page. 'Whatever's here is probably Gordo's own personal business.' One side said. Then the little Lizziedevil popped up. 'Technically we're best friends, and he shouldn't keep things from me.' After another minute or two of the angel and devil duking it out, she made her choise. With snatching fingers she unfolded the piece of paper and began to read.  
  
* Afraid I won't stop expressing towards you*  
  
Dear Lizzie - We've been best friends since before I can remember, and you've helped me through my hardest times. I've tried a million times to tell you, but the right words won't come out. All I know is that you're beautiful, inside and out, and I wouldn't be the person I am now if it weren't for you. I've told you everything through the years, but one. One secret that no one knows,  
one that no one will ever know. I tried to deny it, to wish it away,  
pretend it never existed. If I could banish my feelings and return to normal I would in a heartbeat. But I can't, it runs too deep now. I'm in love with you, probably always have been. Your face is always on my mind, haunting me. You'll never know how I feel, this letter should never reach  
you - but I had to say it. You will hold my heart forever.  
Yours always,  
Gordo  
  
*My heart is a gift and so much more*  
  
"Oh my God," she breathed. Everything became fuzzy as she focused in on the familiar scribble. Gordo? No it wasn't possible. Was it? Memory of him standing in Mr. Lornardo's doorway - face flushed and short of breath - came back to her. His eyes were shining in a way most unlike him; and the almost mischievous grin he flashed her when he took his seat. 'What am I going to do?' The words were beautiful, poetry flashing from the page. It was everything she'd wished to hear from a boy. But from Gordo? IT was just too strange and forgein to comprehend. Tiny white sparks danced down her spine as she read and re-read the letter. 'Do I ask him about it? Should I just pretend I never saw it?' Her mind raced at an ungodly speed, washing waves of dizziness over her. It all stopped though when she saw him down the hall. Gordo looked as cool and calm as always, blending into the mesh of students with his white t-shirt and black over shirt (thingie.) He smiled and waved when he saw her, as if nothing were any different. 'I wasn't technically supposed to see the note. How did Miranda find it?' Lizzie proceeded forward slowly, hesitant. What would she say to him? Miranda's words echoed in her mind. 'Gordo dropped this in the hallway. Could you give it back to him?' He was there now, just a few feet from her. By this time he'd noticed the confusion on her face. "Are you okay?" he asked. "I." she held out the letter. "Miranda told me to give this to you." All the blood drained from his face as his eyes darted wildly from the note to her face and back. Fear danced across his face as he shook his head - words lost before they reached his lips. "Gordo, I." she started, but never got to finish. He snatched the paper from her and sprinted down the hallway. "Gordo!" she called after him, but he only ran faster - distancing himself as much as he could from her.  
  
*No one else, its you I adore*  
  
Gordo's hands were visibly shaking as he dropped to the floor in his little fortress between the bookshelves. She knew. It was the only thought that encompassed his mind. The awful realization of it pounded into his brain, squeezing the life out of him with a painful slowness. How did she get the note? Miranda must have found it and given it to her. Not that it mattered anymore. His life was officially over. 'That's it,' he thought with empty despair. 'I've lost my best friend in the entire world. I'll be doomed to sitting with Ethan Craft for lunch!' Going to the rest of school was out of the question. He'd just hide in there until passing time was over then sneak out of the building and spend the rest of the day drowning his fears in a chocolate shake. "You know you're really bad at hiding?" Lizzie spoke at the entrance to the row, but Gordo didn't look up. "Go away Lizzie." He spat out, eyes glued to the ground. The letter was crumbled in a little ball on the floor a few inches from his toe. He'd contemplated ripping it up, but it'd be more fun to watch it burn if it were in a ball. Sighing, she walked forward and plopped down opposite him, leaning against the book shelves. He refused to look at her, glaring into nothingness. Slender white fingers reached out and snatched up the wad of paper before he could grab it. "Did you mean it?" she asked after a few moments. Voice quite and deadly serious, she stared at him. Nothing. He refused to answer. "Gordo." This made him look up. When he did, he was trapped by the determination in her eyes. "Did you mean it?" she repeated. Pain squeezed at his heart, but he answered - compelled to answer. "Yes," he whispered, though it physically hurt to say it. 'This is it,' he panicked. 'She's never going to speak to me again.' As she looked away briefly, he was released from the spell. Instantly his eyes dropped to the floor, awaiting the stinging slap on his face. That's why he was so surprised when she kissed him on the cheek. With bewildered eyes, he looked up to see her smiling almost mischievously at him. "That's good," she grinned, standing up and darting quickly to the edge of his fortress. " cause I love you too." With that, she disappeared out of the library. Every cell in his body sung with warmth as Gordo stood up and dashed after her.  
  
Epilogue  
  
Miranda sat at a library table, hidden behind a giant book. She couldn't keep the grin off her face.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
(A/N = review please! I'd love you forever! And praise the great Phil! Cause we all love him? Don't we? Yes!) 


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